upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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