you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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