my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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