what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
