you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
