Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
