Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
