Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
