I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
