News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
