You're my little dorito
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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