Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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