new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
