my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
