The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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