you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
