where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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