you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
