This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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