He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
