Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
