in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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