So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
