Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
