i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
