it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
