WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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