WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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