i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
