I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
is it fun? or sober?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
