I puked a lego.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
