and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
