using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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