# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
