we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
