there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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