i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need a beard to bite.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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