Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
