Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh god it's open bar.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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