This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
