Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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