Dude my mom stole all your condoms
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
