I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
