I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
