Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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