My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
