you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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