We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
