Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
