this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
